December 9, 2011
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Dilemma
Let's cut to the chase here.
I went out tonight with a female friend of mine to a local bar. Just to drink and catch up on a few things, enjoy some laughs and have a bit of fun time in our otherwise stressful lives. The backstory is we've known each other for about 5 years. But we've only been close friends for 2 years. And by close, I mean she's the number one female friend in my life at the moment.
Anyways, she's extremely attractive, she makes me laugh, she has many qualities I look for in a woman. Nice personality, and she communicates extremely well with me. Very trustworthy, and very worth my time. The only thing is, I don't think she really knows how much I like her. If she did she might get a little weirded out. I've dropped subtle clues here and there, but nothing that she would really think to pick up on. I haven't flat out said I like her. I respect her as a person and a friend...but at the same time I would be ecstatic if I were to date her. She's really a great girl.
At the bar I saw two guys I knew, which was quite random. They were there playing in a group of bandmates, just entertaining the crowd. In between sets, they were taking a break and I was talking to them at the bar. Jenna (that's her name) had gone to the bathroom and when she came back she came up to me to tell me she was going outside for a smoke (yeah, she smokes, but is quitting). After she walked away, both guys immediately turned to me and asked me if she was my girl. I said no and that we were friends, but they persisted. Of course. They asked why I'm not dating her. To be honest, I couldn't think of a reason why I'm not dating her or wouldn't date her. Let me rephrase that actually, there is no reason why I wouldn't date her. I'm just...I don't know, I enjoy her company a bunch.
We laughed alot tonight and smiled. She looked incredible...the way the light of the bar was set against her face. There were a few moments where all I thought about was how beautiful she looked. After we left the bar, I stayed at her apartment for about an hour just sitting and talking with her. It was nice, and we hugged tightly before I left.
My question is what the heck do I do? She's one of the only females I completely trust. I know that doesn't mean I should date her, and it definitely doesn't mean she feels the same way about me, but I want this off my chest. I have to tell you, it's EXTREMELY DIFFICULT being around her. You have no idea how much of a struggle it is to see her and be social and carry a conversation.
I don't know. Help me find a right course of action here. Although, I think I already know the question I have to ask, and the answer I'm going to get. I just need to hear it from someone else I think.
Otherwise, goodnight.
*Edit*: have not heard from her since the day after I wrote this and told her to look at it. I fear the worst...this is not how I wanted it to be. WHY DO I FUCK EVERYTHING UP!? So depressed right now..
Comments (20)
If you think this girl has some sort of potential for like a real deal thing, then take your time getting into it and continue with the subtle hints, but make them more geared to treating her. Like opening the door or standing closer to her and things like that. Perhaps she'll notice those things and start to go over it in her mind on her own. Either you'll see her not mind, or she will definitely mind. That's a good way to ease into it.
If this girl is good, great, whatever... but is just a date for awhile kind of thing, then I think you should keep your friendship how it is.
@msem724 - Hmm, that's a good way to go about it. Thanks
She's definitely not a date for a while kind of thing though. That's not what I'm looking for. It's not what she's looking for either. But I guess we'll have to see how things go...I'll just keep doing what I'm doing now, but be a little more geared in towards her like you said with my hints.
okay....keep in mind when i give you this advice that im not a typical female. Be honest with her. straight up tell her you want to try out dating. And dont do something extravagent for the first date it iwll be too much of a jump. do something you both are used to doing together but do it with the mindset that shes not just a friend. Sounds like you have a good thing going! good luck!
@jennifrommaiblock - It's good advice, and I would try it, but I don't think she really wants a relationship at the moment. We'll have to see what happens. The hardest thing about this is admitting to her that I really like her. I don't want to mess anything up with our friendship if she just sees me as a friend.
Love the first song that came on, Let it Rock. Awesome. I have a feeling she probably knows you like her. I have a feeling she might well like you back. I think, otherwise, she might be pulling back a little. I could be wrong, but I think you have a green light.
I understand exactly what you mean about being extremely hard to be around somebody if you're hot for them! giggles. Here's what I'd do, I'd keep asking her out to do stuff (like just sit around and talk) very frequently and see where it goes! Nothing expensive, just hang out and listen to music and stuff. If she does this for a long time and never talks about being in love with somebody else, I think you have a green light.
Good luck!
@Smokin_SultrySally - Maybe she does like me back. It's all so weird haha. I'm pretty sure she has a good clue I like her, but she hasn't ever really paid attention or said anything about it, and she still hangs out with me. Lol but the thing is with hanging out, I work 50+ hours a week and only get one day off (Tuesday). I suggested the other night while out with her that we should see each other every Tuesday and she agreed. To be honest though, I would have a hard time putting it into words if I told her I liked her. So more than likely I'll show her this blog.
She's recently gotten out of a nasty relationship. The kid was a huge douchebag. I was there for her after it all went down. I got up out of my bed at 2 in the morning to go be with her and stayed up all night comforting her. Literally all night. I didn't sleep. I went back home around 630 in the morning with a tear stained shirt. I had to be at work by 8 that day. But yeah, I was the one who was there. Partly because I'm her best friend and it is my obligation to do so, and also, because I have liked her for a very long time.
Oh and I'm glad you like my music!. It is a bit outdated though haha. I have to update that.
@Dustin_wind - What often happens is there is a kiss before there are any words. In real life AND in movies! Oh I love outdated music, giggles. I was raised by a pack of hippies, who were hippies even after there were no more hippies. I blogged about it about 3 or 4 blogs back. Old music is great!!!
@Smokin_SultrySally - Oh yeah...I know. Lol I wanted to kiss her at the bar, but with alcohol influencing both of us it wouldn't have gone over well. There's been times where I've wanted to just do it. Haha. But I'm a bit scared of ruining a really good friendship.
Oh good I'm glad you like older music haha. That's all I listen to now really...stuff coming out nowadays is just dumb. There's only a few songs that I like.
fuck her...
before i do
@fOoDmAsTa1311 - not a chance. of either of those things happening.
You showed this to her? Ruh row.... Even if it was an awkard situation for you to explain it to her, I think showing it to her was probably not the way to go. It is like the least subtle way and it probably smacked her in the face and scared her. Also, reading the comments about the ex.... seems like it was much more of a "best friend" thing than I "I need you because you're a man" kind of thing : / I didn't know that that had happened... Ask her if she was uncomfortable about reading this and apologize for the bluntness and publicness of it all is my bet now.
I would call her up and talk to her about it. Just express that you were scared to talk to her about it because you love her company, don't want to ruin your friendship and were kind of scared to talk about it at first and the entry was the only way to get it out. Honestly, I don't believe the entry was the best way to bring it to her attention, I think a personalized letter would have worked better as an entry explaining feelings and yet letting the world know that you care. She may be kind of scared but give her a call, the worst she can say is that she doesn't like you but if so, it's ok. When things blow off and you talk it all out, it'll get better. If she says she doesn't like you and stops talking to you as her friend, that just shows her character because if she's a great friend than she'll understand your position and that it was hard for you to do what you did. Good luck though, seriously. I hope it works out.
@msem724 - She never read this blog. I checked my footprints. But I copy/pasted the gist of it in a facebook message. Not all of it, just the basic idea. Idk if she read that at all. But she hasn't looked at this blog I know that for a fact.
@GenuineBByDoll - Hey thanks. Maybe I will write a letter...that sounds like a much better idea. And it wouldn't be a problem getting it to her since I obviously know where she lives and all that. I think I've already screwed this up pretty bad though...so I don't know :/
@Dustin_wind - I'm sure that you didn't, don't be so hard on yourself. By being brave and communicating your feelings, takes a lot of courage so keep that in mind. I would definitely call her or text her to see how she was doing. I would write her the e-mail first and then tell her to check it while you are on the phone. Then you will be able to discuss it.
You had her read this? It should have been said in person, so I don't blame her for not knowing what to do.
It's hard for opposite sex friends to have a platonic relationship. I would know because all mine have failed, even after five years. I think it's possible, but it requires the two people to be very careful and conscious with what they're doing. But as far as your relationship with her goes, try to talk to her about it in person, tell her you didn't mean to weird her out, but you think she's a great girl and can't help but be attached. Chances are if she's anything like me, she'll talk to you less but still be your friend (because honestly, you can't hang out all the time with a guy that you know likes you - it's brutal). So I think you can still salvage the friendship. But as far as anything further, it seems like she doesn't want anything like that, which in a way is good because it (almost) guarantees that you guys will stay friends longer. If you ever want to ruin a friendship with a girl, date her. Haha. All based off my millions of guy friends that dwindled down because they said they had feelings for me, or their new girlfriends hated me.
@GenuineBByDoll - Yeah but the thing is she never answers her texts (from me anyways) and a while ago her email was hacked and I don't know her new email address...lol. Calling her would really be the only option.
@jess_i_cuh - Well in all fairness I really didn't know how to go about getting this out either. I would like to talk to her in person about it, if she ever decides to talk to me sometime. I'm trying not to text her or anything right now...judging by how the communication just hasnt been there at all since. I'll try again in a few days.
@Dustin_wind - Oh ok. Well call her then, there's nothing to lose at this point.
One thing I've always disliked about guys is that they don't wear their hearts on their sleeves enough.
Go for it, if you want it to be a long term thing. If she's really a good friend, then you'll stay close even if she says no. I speak from experience, that's what happened to me.
Maybe just call her.
Good luck, and keep us updated!
Well, it was worth a shot. Park Ave bar or local dive? Don't tell me it was Lux, ha. But seriously, I really hope she replies and gives you some closure.
@GreekPhysique - Whoa, you're in the Rochester area? Lol, it wasn't anywhere near downtown...we were at Tc Hooligans. She probably won't talk to me for a while though. She's on facebook right now as I type this. I haven't contacted her and don't plan to...seems like I fucked things up far enough anyways.
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