March 20, 2012
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It truly feels like I'm meant to be in a constant state of pain and hurt and suffering. Seems to never happen the same way twice either. Life finds a new way for things to go wrong, and even is decent enough to make it something I can't control. In nearly two years of this I have absolutely nothing to show for it. A few "friends" who wound up ditching, and a hurting heart. There is only so much I can take before I crack, even though I think I cracked 2 years ago and just never recovered. All the memories bubble up inside me like a volcano waiting to burst. Whenever I start to really feel, I hurt. I associate emotional involvement with hurt. Hell of a way to live...
I can only point the finger at myself, for being stupid enough to let these things happen to me. If I haven't been able to by now, I wonder what even gave me the idea I could get back to normal? It's not happening. It just seems to get worse. I used to be emotionally stable. I can't even be like that now. Everyone I used to rely on has cut me out, making me feel even more like I'll never be good enough or worth the time of someone else, that I'll never have that someone special.
People can say these things make me a stronger person. That may be true, but the problem with strong people is nobody ever knows when they need help.
"It's never going to be the same again. And that's what's killing me."
Comments (6)
I'm confused about the subject of this, but I hope you're feeling better
we care about you on here.
@jess_i_cuh - I suppose that's my fault. I haven't really explained much of anything going on in my life lately. I've been getting less trusting of people lately...but you could probably guess this has to do with a girl situation. And what i've been through in the past. Everything seems to be really messy at the moment, and i'm honestly struggling. I hope i'll be ok soon. This sucks. Thanks for being there though. It means alot to me.
No problem
What happened 2 years ago to make you crack?
@LSP1 - A very very bad breakup. I posted about it sometime in may that year. All the trust and coping issues I have stem from that and one other thing.
@Dustin_wind - Sorry to hear that. I'll see if I can find the post.
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