May 15, 2012
-
What in the hell
Conversation I had last night with a clearly depressed friend of mine.
Her: Hey
Me: Hi
Her: How r u
Me: I'm good. You?
Her: I'm alright.
Me: You're not still sad are you? (she'd been sad about her crush losing interest in her and not talking to her)
Her: My dad is in the hospital
Me: Oh no...for what?
Her: Um he thought he was having a heart attack so they're keeping him overnight for observation
Me: I'm glad he didn't.
Her: Me too but I should be there.
Me: Is he back home in Utah?
Her: Yes
Me: I'm sorry
Her: It's not your fault I'll be there soon enough
Me: How soon?
Her: Not until probably December
Me: That's too far away!
Her: I know
Me:
I wanna see you sooner than that lolAnd this is where she flips.
Her: That's selfish of you. I just want to go home.
Me: It's not selfish to say I want to see you. I know I can't until you go home and get your life back in order.
Her: I know but all I want is to go home. And your biggest concern is whether or not you get to see me.
Me: No. It's not.
Her: I'm saying that's how it came across.
Me: It's not my biggest concern though.
Her: I know what people say, Joseph. I am not going to argue with you. That's how your words came across. I'm not having a good day. If you want to argue then find someone else to argue with. I only know the words you say to me. And it seems like all you care about is being flirty lately and I don't want to be flirty at the moment. I am depressed. I'm going through a divorce, thus far my life has been a waste, I want to go home. I miss my family and the guy who I really have deep feelings for barely talks to me. I'm just not in the mood to argue. All this is doing is making me cry.
Me: I've already said my biggest concern isn't seeing you. I guess I shouldn't have been sarcastic about it because you clearly took it the wrong way. You can vent to me about your day if you want. I'm here
Her: Joseph it still came across that way to me.
Me: Well then I'm sorry. If you'd rather talk to someone else I don't blame you.
Her: No one really listens to me so it doesn't matter.
Me: That's not true. I listen.
Her: Sometimes. But you shouldn't tell me what I do and don't know You know that you try to listen. Doesn't mean you are actually listening or that I feel listened to.
Me: Again, I'm sorry. I'll try harder. But I can't listen if you don't let me. I've already told you it's okay if you want to vent to me.
Her: You don't have to try harder.
Me: You make me feel like I am not doing a good enough job, and maybe I'm not if you feel the way you do. So yes I do have to. I take that stuff personally.
Her: I'm not trying to make you feel that way, I'm sorry.
Me: You have nothing to apologize for. You're right.
Her: About?
Me: Well you said you don't feel listened to which means I'm not doing a good enough job. So that's true if you feel that way. So, you're right. And I'm sorry.
Her: Please don't apologize to me. I don't feel listened to by anyone.
Me: I'm going to change that.
Her: If you want to try go ahead but it's more of a personal thing.
Me: I will try.
Her: I know you mean well, but it's annoying me that you're saying you're going to try so hard.
Me: What do you want me to say? Would you prefer it if I said I won't try to help? That I won't be a better friend? That hurts. It really does.
Her: You don't need to be a better friend though. No one is perfect.
Me: I'm not trying to be the perfect friend. I'm just trying to help.
Her: I know. That's why I said that I understand you mean well. But you saying that stuff doesn't help me.
Me: It will when you need someone to listen to you.
Her: K
That's where it ends. How do you help someone who doesn't even want help? With everything going on in her life I feel for her but really? She can't just go and say I'm annoying her by trying to help. That just makes me not want to, if that's how she's going to act.
People and their bullshit...usually with this friend our conversations are always cheery and happy. This time I'm just going to not talk to her for the rest of today. If she wants to put all her problems on my shoulders then fine. But don't expect me to be all over the idea of being openly ready to help you when you need it.
Comments (10)
Ughhhh! That is SO aggravating to me. Unfortunately, there's really nothing you can do to help someone that doesn't want help. They have to want it first before they can make improvements with their life. There's nothing wrong with what you said. You let her know that you're there for her, which is all you can really do, and she can take it as she wants.
One of the first signs of severe depression is pushing away the people who care about you. That's what I did before I tried to kill myself. In my own mind, I thought people would care less about me passing if I'd already pissed them off enough before-hand.
Make sure she knows you are there for her. Don't be too upset with her, even if she is frustrating - she is going through a lot, it sounds like.
May
What a frustrating conversation.
@HelloRoxyy - I was so mad at the end of this conversation. I was ready to tell her I won't talk to her anymore until she calms the fuck down and stops taking her shit out on me.
@sonnigenmai - She is going through a lot, yes, BUT it is no justification to treat me in the manner that she did.
@LSP1 - You're telling me.
Some people are just rude when you're trying to be nice. It's best to shrug them off.
@Baseballchik138 - Yeah. I tried. She texted me the other night with more bitching. I debated not responding but I did and we argued again. Just kinda sick of it at this point. I'm not going to respond next time if she randomly texts me bitching about something.
I know people like that. How frustrating, Experiences make you who you are, and how you react to them is in part a definition of the person you are. If she wont help herself then your efforts wont work.
@jennifrommaiblock - Yeah, I know! She needs to be able to help herself. Because obviously nobody else's advice is good enough for her.
I'm sorry, that's extremely frustrating. If I were you I wouldn't be worried, its clearly just the other issues talking and she's taking it out on you.
Depressed or not, it was pretty rude of her to tell you its annoying that you want to try to be a better friend. Does she even realize how terrible that sounds? :
@raspberryjade - I know. Her saying that was just beyond rude. Everything is fine now. I think she was just going through a phase of "I hate the world and the world hates me".
Comments are closed.