that heavy, cumbersome feeling is unfortunately so common and yet feels so unique to the person experiencing it.  i have and still do feel my own share of pain and fear, but it cannot and does not equal yours in any way.  talking to a therapist can be beneficial, that i can't deny, but in my opinion it is only to a certain point.  there are strangers that will never judge you, and in a way xanga can be useful like that.  the standard advice that i am sure you will receive is talk to a therapist and seek professional help, i have seen a therapist for a long time now and it does help.  however the biggest change does truly have to come from within yourself, and when you feel so heavy and low it is the most difficult change to spark.  just know that there are people out there that are willing to listen unambiguously and without judgment.

i've had my xanga for a long time now, and even before that i had a different xanga that might have been a hundred times more depressing.  i cannot tell you how many times i had someone comment or message me saying "if you need to talk, or vent, or anything, i am more than willing to listen".  and for the most part, i always ignored them thinking that they won't understand or they will judge me harshly or what the hell does a stranger know about me anyway?  only recently, a few months ago really, did i allow myself to open up to a stranger on xanga and i honestly wish i had done it sooner.  at any rate, please don't hesitate if you ever want to talk.  i am one of those unambiguous, non-judgmental people.