September 6, 2012

• Always

  So let's cut to the chase. I was going to originally post about how things are going with Liz but that idea sailed right out the window. Christy texted me (for those of you that don't know this is the girl I have written about for quite some time now). We got to talking and I wanted to know if it was ok with her that we'd be living together even though I like her. She said it was fine, and that she's been spending alot of time with some guy and wouldn't want it to be weird if he came over....and that's when my heart entered my stomach. I spent so much time and so much energy to get her. More than anyone I've ever been with and most likely more than anyone I'll ever be with in the future. Now I can't. I can't do anything. Except sit back, bury how I feel, and be depressed. I was too slow. I missed my chance. I spent so much time working on being with her I never showed directly how I felt. This is just torture. I wonder now how much I'm going to suffer. But I already know the answer. Every damn day and night now. She is the girl of my dreams. And that sounds silly but I know how I feel. And this is way different than anyone else I've liked. I am me around her. I haven't ever felt that. Ever. I can just be me and she would hang out with me any day of the week. She told me she doesn't want to be in a relationship or give herself to anyone. And yet she is hanging out with someone. How can I live with myself now?

  But I missed out and now I'm going to regret it. I'm going to regret it so much. I'm sad, depressed, confused and have nobody to talk to about it. Just a blank fucking computer screen. Maybe I'll get some sleep. Maybe not. I'm counting on the latter.

  If anyone feels like making me feel better text 5852165917. I can't do this alone tonight. It fucking sucks.

  • 12:46 am
  • 3 Comments