I didn't sleep last night. I don't know why, I just didn't.

I am extremely sad today. I miss my Uncle Jimmy more than anything. I regret alot of things, but number one on that list would be passing on the opportunity to see him last year. The feeling absolutely sucks. It's horrible. And I have two grandparents who are in their early 80s now. When they are gone from the world, I will have nobody to look up to. And not to mention, I will not be able to function for who knows how long.

Times like this make me realize that it is a bonus to have a girlfriend, that ONE person I could turn to for emotional support when things go from bad to worse. That person who will walk with me through the shit as long as it takes to get me out. I've always dealt with emotional things myself. Maybe that's what's made me into the blunt asshole that I am. Having no support, no source of comfort, is very very difficult. Especially when the only thing I can do is sit here and type on a computer screen hoping it will help somehow, knowing it won't.

Such is life.

I need a text buddy for the day. Please choose to volunteer.

Just got back home from a good time at Buffalo Wild Wings! I met @GreekPhysique aka John tonight. I never imagined someone would have more basketball knowledge than I did! I haven't really watched many games this season because of the job I just left (I will be spending more time watching now though). He's such a nice guy though. If you haven't subscribed/friended him on Xanga, please do. He's funny and very intelligent, and likes food and beer. In a guy friend, that's what I like to see! I've included pictures, for your viewing pleasure. We met up at a local Buffalo Wild Wings, on a particularly slow night. Apparently there was some WWE event going on that took precedence over the All Star Game. Pah. Wrestling. P.s. The Rock won the main event. Go figure

Here's my half finished glass of Sam Adams Boston Lager (highly recommended by the way). Before this I had a tall glass of Blue Moon with an orange. I'll always love that beer too. The Boston Lager was only a short.

 

And here's John sporting his "I'm drinking bro!" face. I can't remember for the life of me what it is he was sipping on, but it had cherries in it. Lol. Note the destroyed appetizer plate in the bottom portion of the picture. That used to be a buffalo chicken flatbread app. Gone in maybe 5 minutes? Ha. On my dinner plate was a buffalo chicken ranch sandwich, with fries. Yum. Seems to be a common theme... 

I had fun though. I'll be doing this again for sure. Hopefully next time we'll actually get to hear what we're watching!

Last Saturday, I woke up in the weirdest mood. But it was one of those moods where you just wake up and your mind is dead set on one thing and one thing only. And it felt like everything would be right and make sense if you just set out to do what is on your mind. One of those. You just wake up, and BOOM. Epiphany. It was that kind of feeling. So it was about 8:20 am. I woke up, had breakfast, the usual routine. Browsed Facebook for a while, checked my email. Fell back asleep until about 11. I showered, went to Wegmans for some much needed groceries. I started an online defensive driving course to keep my car insurance bill down. It's been a good day so far.

 

I then proceeded to call my work at 2pm and declare my resignation from the company. No two weeks notice for you, fuckers. 

 

After that, I had an interview with a company that will hire me full time at $15.35 an hour, for sitting at a desk all day taking phone calls for a communications company. According to the department manager I talked to, that's about $32k a year. Not including the incentive I'd get for working overtime. I honestly don't know why I stuck around in my job for so long, knowing that it was going nowhere, and that I would never get the raise or the better hours that I asked for about 5 times by my count. I know now that was the number one stress factor in my life. Work was no longer fun. It was just...annoying. When you're not given the opportunity to move forward, it's time to go. 

 

When I was asked if that pay rate was okay with me, I could barely get a syllable out. "Did he really just ask me that?" I stuttered out an audible "Um, y-yeah!" I've never felt better about LEAVING a job before. It's like all the weight on my shoulders has been lifted, and I've felt alot better since. Not to mention, I got both my state and federal tax returns back a few days ago too. This guy is 1700 bucks richer. I can hold out just on tax return money without a job for 3 months. But obviously, I won't. I'll be getting the call for new hire training any day now. I couldn't be more excited!

 

As for my girl situation, there is no girl situation. I'm fine with that. I do better on my own obviously. Having someone else to worry about is just too much hassle now. I used to think different, but the truth is I don't want or need a girlfriend. I have a big year ahead of me, with a new job on the horizon and Best Man responsibilities that I must take care of. Not to mention, deciding if I want to stay at this apartment or go. It's a nice area so I might stay, but it depends on my roommate, who I hope leaves, so that would make my decision 100 times easier. Plus, someone's always looking for a roommate.

 

Tonight, my plans are to meet up with @GreekPhysique at Buffalo Wild Wings to watch the NBA All-Star Game. Should be fun. Pics will be posted!

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

My best buddy? Yeah absolutely...

2. You talked to an ex today, right?

Wrong.

3. Have you taken someones virginity?

Yes

4. Is trust a big issue for you?

Not really, but then again I haven't really had to trust anyone with my heart in over 2 years so...

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?

Ha, I don't even really like anyone anymore. So no.

6. What are you excited for?

Not much. Summer.

7. What happened tonight?

Nothing. I played video games and bought cereal from Wegmans. That's about it.

8. Do you think it's disgusting when girls get really wasted?

Yeah sorta. You just look like a damn slob. And nobody, especially me, wants to deal with you.

9. Is confidence cute?

Yeah sure.

10. What is the last beverage you had?

Gatorade.

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

Like maybe 2.

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?

Erm, no.

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?

Hopefully sleep.

14. What are you going to spend money on next?

Food.

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?

Nope. I don't even talk to that deceiving cunt anymore.

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?

No.

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

My guy friends.

18. The last time you felt broken?

Like a month ago or so.

19. Have you had sex today?

No. I haven't had sex in about a year. I don't miss it. 

20. Are you starting to realize anything?

That maybe I shouldn't be living with a girl I had a giant crush on. Yeah sure.

21. Are you in a good mood?

Eh.

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?

So they can bite my arm off? No thanks.

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?

No. Mine are green. Only one with green eyes in my family.

24. What do you want right this second?

A damn beer. Excuse me while I go grab one. 

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

Considering they probably are, "frankly my dear, I just don't give a damn."

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?

All day

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

Never.

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?

A video game. Yeah, sad.

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?

Always.

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?

Some people don't deserve a first chance.

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy/girl you were talking to?

No.

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?

Most likely not.

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?

Basically.

34. Listening to?

Nothing.

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?

Nope. Pen.

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?

Again, don't really care. So no.

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Not at all. If you do, you're foolish.

38. Who did you last call?

My buddy Mike.

39. Who was the last person you danced with?

Ugh...Liz.

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?

Because I wanted to.

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?

Like a week ago. 

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?

No. I did yesterday.

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

Yep.

44. Do you tan in the nude?

I don't tan.

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?

No. Although I don't think it would matter.

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?

No.

47. Who was the last person to call you?

Mike.

48. Do you sing in the shower?

No.

49. Do you dance in the car?

I head bop.

50. Ever used a bow and arrow?

Not a real one no.

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

Senior high school pictures.

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?

No.

53. Is Christmas stressful?

Not really.

54. Ever eat a pierogi?

<3

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?

Apple!

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

Golfer. Lol.

57. Do you believe in ghosts?

Yep.

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

Mhm.

59. Take a vitamin daily?

Used to, don't know why I stopped.

60. Wear slippers?

I don't own a pair of slippers.

61. Wear a bath robe?

No.

62. What do you wear to bed?

Pajamas.

63. First concert?

If we're not counting high school band concerts, then it would be my Uncle Chet Catallo's concert.

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?

Wegmans.

65. Nike or Adidas?

Nike.

66. Cheetos Or Fritos?

Cheetos.

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

Neither.

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?

I don't know.

69. Ever take dance lessons?

Haha no.

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

Not at this time. I'm not even sure I want a "spouse"

71. Can you curl your tongue?

Yes.

72. Ever won a spelling bee?

4th grade champ.

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

Maybe?

74. What is your favorite book?

White Fang.

75. Do you study better with or without music?

I don't study. Perks of being done with school.

76. Regularly burn incense?

No.

77. Ever been in love?

As much as it pains me to say it...no, I have not..

78. Who would you like to see in concert?

Nobody. I prefer to keep my ears in working condition.

79. What was the last concert you saw?

Uncle Chet.

80. Hot tea or cold tea?

Neither, I don't drink tea.

81. Tea or coffee?

Neither.

82. Favorite type of cookie?

The type I can eat.

83. Can you swim well?

Sure can.

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

Yeah. Easy.

85. Are you patient?

With some things.

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?

Band. Bands are cooler. And plus, being an instrumentalist, I can play in said band if I wanted.

87. Ever won a contest?

Yeah.

88. Ever have plastic surgery?

ALL OVER MY BODY.

89. Which are better black or green olives?

Yuck.

90. Opinions on sex before marriage?

Fuck who you want when you want. Your choice.

91. Best room for a fireplace?

The coldest room.

92. Do you want to get married?

I'm not sure honestly. Leaning towards no.

 

• 1: Do you have a crush at the moment?
      Yep.
• 2: Have you ever been deeply in love?
      No.
• 3: Longest relationship you've ever been in?
      Just short of 1 year.
• 4: Have you ever changed for someone?
      No, and I never will. Take me for who I am or don't take me at all.
• 5: How is your relationship with your ex?
      We don't speak.
• 6: Have you ever been cheated on? Yes
• 7: Have you ever cheated? No.

• 8: Would you date someone who's well known for cheating?
      Not worth the risk. 
• 9: What's the most important part of a relationship?
      There is no single most important part. 
• 10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?
        Serious relationships.
• 11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on "breaks"?
        Only when a situation rises that would call for a break.
• 12: How many people have you ever hooked up with?
        A few too many.
• 13: What's one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship?
        Initiating every conversation.
• 14: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex?
        Whenever they want.
• 15: Do you believe in the phrase "age is just a number"?
        Past a certain point.
• 16: Do you believe in "love at first sight"?
        No. 
• 17: Do you believe it's possible to fall in love on the internet?
        No.
• 18: What do you consider a deal breaker?
        Many things. Cheating, lying, stealing, manipulation, smoking, binge drinking.
• 19: How do you know it's time to end a relationship?
        When you realize you're not happy.
• 20: Are you currently in a relationship?
        No. 
• 21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends?
        Nope. I'm living proof of that, I am. 
• 22: Do you think people should date their friends?
        Date whoever you want.
• 23: How many relationships have you had?
        Relationshits? 4.
• 24: Do you think love can last forever?
        Can, but most likely won't.
• 25: Do you believe love can conquer all things?
        No. Love can't conquer death. 
• 26: Would you break up with someone your parents didn't approve of?
        No, fuck that.  
• 27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be?
        Don't date the first girl who sucks your dick. She's going to be a crazy psychopath, and will lie to you and try taking half of your friends with her after you break up. Also, don't even talk to a girl if the first thing she mentions is "I've dated black guys"
• 28: Do you think long distance relationships can work?
        Not a chance. 
• 29: What do you notice first about another person?
        Do they look happy? 
• 30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual?
        Straight.
• 31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness?
        Nope, but I don't have a partner.
• 32: Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?
        Yes...inquire if you must.
• 33: Do you want to get married one day?
        Leaning towards no. 
• 34: What do you think about getting your partner's name tattooed?
        HAHAHAHAHA. No.
• 35: Could you be in a relationship without sex?
        Nope. Sorry. 
• 36: Are you still a virgin?
        No. Thank goodness.
• 37: What's more important: Looks or personality?
        Personality. But is it too much to ask for both?
• 38: Do you enjoy love films?
        I get bored.
• 39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses?
        Yeah. Given. Never received. 
• 40: Have you ever had a valentine?
        Uh...no, actually...whoever wants to step up and be my valentine this year, you've got 3 days to decide. 
• 41: What's your imagination of a "perfect date"?
        "The thing about perfection is, it's unknowable. It's impossible, yet it's right in front of us, all the time."  
• 42: Have you ever read "Romeo & Juliet"?
        Yeah. High school days.
• 43: What's more important: Your partner or your friends?
        I don't have a partner, so my friends.
• 44: Would you consider yourself "romantic"?
        Not at this time.
• 45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends?
        Imagine, yes.
• 46: Have you ever been "friendzoned"?
        What guy hasn't. 
• 47: Which "famous couple" is your favorite?
        I don't care.
• 48: What's your favorite love song?
        Again, don't care.
• 49: Have you ever broken someone's heart?
        Yep.
• 50: If you're single, why do you think you are?
        Because I choose to be, and because you women are FUCKING insane.
• 51: Would you rather date someone who's rich but a douchebag or someone who's poor but a nice guy?
        I'm not into guys.
• 52: Are you good at giving other people advices regarding dating/ relationships?
        I can be.
• 53: Are you jealous of couples when you're single?
        No.
• 54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on facebook)?
        Facebook isn't official. Do it in person, idiot.
• 55: Would you consider yourself "clingy", "overly attached" or "jealous"?
        Nope.
• 56: Have you ever "destroyed" a relationship?
        Not to my knowledge. 
• 57: Do you think it's silly to consider suicide because of a broken heart?
        No. I think you're an idiot if you let your emotions control you like that, and you have deep seated issues you need to sort out. 
• 58: Are you the "dominant" or the "submissive" part in a relationship?
        Dominant.
• 59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner's birthday or your anniversary?
        No.
• 60: What's your opinion on open relationships?
        Not for me.
• 61: Who's more important: Your partner or your family?
        Again, no partner, so family.
• 62: How do you define "cheating"?
        Anything that involves being in relations with someone other than the person you're dating. 
• 63: Is watching porn while being in a relationship inappropriate?
        No. 
• 64: Do you think Valentine's Day is overrated?
        Yep. It's a day everyone uses as an excuse to do something "special" when in fact, you're doing something less special because it's Valentine's Day, and you had to use the day as an excuse instead of surprising your significant other on any other day.
• 65: Would you consider yourself a "cuddler"?
         Yes. 

I definitely have the flu. Last night I felt fine. This morning I wake up with a massive headache feeling dizzy and like I wanted to puke. Been in bed since. I'm about to go to an urgent care and get medicine. I just hope my body aches don't get worse...because that's really what's killing me. I don't feel like doing anything right now.

 

Last night I had a nice Skype session with @jmeLove_x though! It was so fun I'm going to be on bedrest pretty much for the rest of the day after I get my medication and get some gatorade and cereal. So if you're not doing anything and have my number please text me. I would greatly appreciate it. If you don't have my number just ask!

 

-Joe

SOOOOOOOOOO I went to a New Year's party with one of my buddies and his girlfriend to meet up with all of my other buddies from high school for a nice get together. We played pong, shot a bow, punched and kicked a training bag, played euchre and apples to apples. It was really super fun. Haha, my friend Jeremy tried setting me up with his cousin. That's just awkward. I don't think that'd be a very favorable situation lol. We rang in the new year with champagne and toasted to our fallen firefighters. It was really nice. It was a small party but I think that's exactly how I would prefer it. My head hurts so much from laughing so hard about all the jokes. And the highlight of the night was on the way home. My buddy that I drove with propositioned me to be the best man at his wedding in August. GUYS, I'M SO EXCITED! I've got no clue on how to plan a bachelor party or anything like that, but I'm so pumped to have the opportunity to plan what will be his last party as an unmarried man. He's a great friend and I couldn't be happier to take the offer. So that's that really. I just wanted to say Happy New Years to everyone, and I hope this year brings all the good things that life has to offer to you all. 

 

Oh, and I got Liz a Pooky. If you don't know what that means, you probably should read up on your Garfield comics. I haven't given it to her yet, but I can't wait to see the look on her face

Urgent news. 

 

The Westboro Baptist Church are planning to picket the funerals of the deaths of two volunteer firefighters in MY hometown next Sunday. The firefighters were shot after the arsonist called 911 to come to his own house that he set on fire. When they showed up, he opened fire on them, then turned the gun on himself. One of the volunteer firefighters went to my high school. They died on Christmas Eve. 

 

Please recommend this post and offer your support and ideas for peacefully counter-protesting the WBC. 

 

 

So I haven't felt ready to update since last Saturday because I didn't know if I could handle telling you about it. Last Sunday was my uncle's burial...everyone, if you have to go to a funeral, please take the option to NOT go to the burial. It's too much. Especially since he was in both the Army and the Air Force, so naturally he had a military burial. They fired rifles to salute him for his service to his country. He fought at Normandy, France, and the Battle of the Bulge in Belgium, earning a Bronze Star Award for valor. After World War 2 was when he joined the Air Force. He helped supply the planes that flew the Berlin Airlift. I can only hope I'll be a quarter of the man that he was. After they fired off the rifles, they started playing TAPS while the military personnel assigned to him folded up the American flag and gave it to his wife, my aunt Eva. I couldn't restrain myself. I cried. Alot. Especially when I had to say goodbye to my aunt. They were married for 57 years. Putting that into perspective, that's longer than both my parents have been alive.

 

Since then, all I've been doing is working and sleeping. A couple days ago on Friday, my roommate had a huge party at my apartment for her birthday. It was fun...for the most part. Until her best friend decided she couldn't hold her liquor down so she puked in the bathroom. There were about 40 people here. Everyone was behaving and there wasn't any drama between anyone which is always a good thing at a party with shit tons of alcohol involved. The food was worth it though. Lots of cookies and cake and brownies and someone brought homemade chicken wing dip. So at least I ate. But then I had to go to work at 730am the next morning and didn't sleep..so I was still really buzzed and drove to work. I worked all day, came home and slept for 8 hours. After waking up at 2am I had some food and stayed up till 6 watching movies, then went back to sleep. Sunday I stayed home watching football all day. Today i worked then came home and slept for another 7 hours afterwards. Now I'm up (probably gonna watch another movie) and crying because I'm still greiving.

 

What sucks is none of my friends that I had invited to that party wound up showing up. Liz didn't show either. She kinda ignored me. I got a text from her about 2 hours ago from her saying she wasn't feeling like going anywhere or doing anything lately, so whatever. I'll let it slide. But no more of that. I have huge trust issues when it comes to people doing what they say they're going to do and keeping me informed about it. If you can't take the time to text "hey, I don't think I can come tonight" then please by all means let me stay up all night worrying about you on Sunday when we had made plans to meet each others families...

 

I don't know guys. I've been in an overall sad state since the death of my uncle. I can't tell you how long it will take to pull out of this because I don't know how long it will take. All I want to do right now is curl up in a ball. Goodnight.

Certainly was a whirlwind of a day today. 

 

I slept at my parents house overnight last night and drove out with my mom and dad early today for Pennsylvania. The ride down proved to be very uneventful. I felt sick most of the way because I was overtired and stressed out which didn't help. After about a 4 hour drive we got to the hotel and I layed down for a nice nap around 330. Woke up around 445 because we were all starving our asses off and had to eat. The restaurant inside this hotel is horrendously slow, but at least the food was good (even though the serving size here is substantially smaller than home). I had ravioli. It was worth it to have some food in my stomach for my uncle's funeral service. But the cook took so long to make our food we got there an hour late. And we were the only ones in the restaurant. Oh well, slackers will be slackers. We get to the service and I meet about 30 cousins I never knew I had. But that's the way it is with Italian families. I wasn't shocked but meeting so many people all at once is still a little overwhelming. Speaking of overwhelming, my uncle was open casket. He died of natural causes. He was 94. I didn't cry but it was hard to stand there and say a prayer amongst all the scattered thoughts. I just told him I know he's in a better place now, and I hope he keeps making people laugh in the afterlife. That was just part 1 of this trip though. The next part is the burial which takes place in about 8 hours. And that will be even more difficult. All I'll want to do tomorrow is come home to my apartment and my bed, text Liz that I'm alright and go to sleep. 

 

Things are still great with her. She actually has been next to perfect, although I know nobody is perfect and I don't WANT her to be perfect anyways. I just want to keep it going the way it has been going. We met up again on Wednesday night. @jess_i_cuh you'll appreciate this. She took me to learn how to swing dance. I learned how to lead her, spin her, and even dip her. It was....awesome. I met the dance teachers there and they were so friendly about everything. So was everyone else who came that night, with helping me get up to speed on things and just feeling comfortable. Liz was a great sport too. I embarrassed myself in the beginning but after a couple of dances I got the hang of it and could keep up and dance with confidence. It was pretty simple and fun, and I'll be going back with her again. Afterwards, we walked out holding hands and went to the bar next door for some fried pickles and beer. All we really did was sit and stare at each other and talk though. She's cute. Some of the people from the dance place came over to the same bar and we all had a good time. Liz wanted to cuddle though and started hugging me in the booth lol. I took that as my cue that she's probably tired and needs to go home, but I enjoyed the fact that she feels comfortable around me. I walked her to her car hugging her and said goodbye and that was that. Good night I'd say. I've set the day for her to meet my parents (or me meeting her mom) on Sunday. I'll wait until Sunday to tell my parents though. I'm not worried about meeting her mom, since I have never had a problem with parents. I expect it to be a bit more tough though since her parents are divorced, and by nature, her mom will probably be cautious. But I'm just speculating. 

 

I have a full emotional plate on my hands in the morning. I won't update again until possibly Sunday night, assuming everything goes as planned. I'll be way too tired after I get home to be on the computer. But I just wanted to give you all this little update. I know I probably have worried some of you but I'm doing okay for the most part...I'm hanging in there despite the unfortunate situation. I just hope tomorrow I'm able to handle it. 

Any positive thought I had when I woke up today is gone and will be gone for a while.

 

My uncle passed away yesterday. I found out around 3pm today while I was at work. I don't even know if I'll be able to have the days off of work to get to Pennsylvania for the service and the burial. He was 94. 

 

I'm just sitting here waiting for it to hit me.